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Monday July 31, 2017

6-7:30 pm

235 Court Street

Ages 10-16 

Why I quit 7th grade- and why you should as well

So this is where my roles as professional social worker and Mommy intersect.  When I went into social work I thought I wanted to work with pre-teens and teens.  I have done so in a variety of settings for the past 20 years- and yet I was unprepared for the advent of puberty in my own household.   My oldest son is 12 years old and began Junior High this year.  He attends a "traditional" junior high with only 7th and 8th graders- in fact it is the largest such school in our state with almost 1200 kids.  Yes you read that correctly 1200 students...he is in advanced classes, active in church and Boy Scouts- and about to drive me absolutely crazy.  Hormones are full blown in my house right now, acne on the face, moody attitudes and general refusal to believe anything I say.  

He has a lot of homework, not an unmanagable amount but enough to keep him busy.  The first few weeks sailed by and I thought what was everyone complaining about? This is easy- then reality set in.  He would rather play video games, he would rather torment his brothers and shoot basketball than do homework.  After two stressful weeks of pleading, threatening and reminding I quit 7th grade.   I am not in 7th grade, I do not have projects due or vocabulary quizzes to study for.  And the more I worried about his work the more he refused to do it.  So I quit.  The new system is that any grade that falls below a certain level there will be consequences  (like missing an extra curricular activity) but otherwise I am out of the homework game.  If he needs supplies for a project, or help studying I am happy to help.  But stressing over whether or not he gets it done?  Not my job.  At some point he has to learn to manage his time, set goals and work toward them.  I'm not following him to high school or college with his homework planner.   I firmly believe that our children need realistic expectations and clear guidelines.

I am also trying to respect that he learns and studies differently than I or his brothers do.  Children give us all kinds of cues, direct and indirect about their needs.  If he needs to go to bed because he's tired, then get up and finish something early the next day? Fine.  If he works better in small bursts of time, set a timer for 15 minutes then take a break for 5.   School is hard work for most kids, 8 hours (more if they ride buses or do extracurricular activities) and often they need some down time at home before tackling their homework.  '

So for all you Moms and Dads stressing about 7th grade Science projects, take a deep breath and repeat with me " I quit 7th grade.  I believe my student is capable of managing their work with guidance from me."  Then have a cup of coffee and be prepared to make a late night run to Walgreens for glitter if needed- but remember the grade on the assignment does not equal a grade on parenting.

Q&A with Jennifer

This is our first post, so we want our readers to get better acquainted with the (wonder) woman behind this blog, Jennifer Venable-Humphrey. Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Private Independent Practice (PIP) owner of Social Work Solutions, LLC, located in Prattville, Ala. Jennifer has a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Alabama (1996) and has spent 18 years in the mental health industry - 12 of those in private practice. Jennifer’s focuses include grief and loss, helping families navigate transitions, and mood disorders and disregulation.  

Jennifer answered a few questions about herself and her work, and we hope this gives you insight into who Jennifer is and why she is so passionate about social work.

Q: Why did you choose to enter the social work/mental health field?

A: Social workers are the largest group of mental health providers in the country. I chose social work because its core values and ideals of self determination, emphasis on the importance of relationships, and promotion of social justice aligned with my own core values. I initially focused on working with children and families because of my desire to work with adolescents.

Q: The mental health field encompasses a wide variety of fields -- how and why did you choose your focus?

A: I became interested in issues surrounding grief and loss in my first internship where I worked with at-risk adolescents. Many had lost literally dozens of people in their lives -- parents, friends siblings. Grief and loss are among the most universal concepts we have; everyone has experienced a loss of some kind along their journey. The ways in which we deal with, or don’t deal with, those losses often have a far reaching impact on our lives. My work with families and adults in transitional stages of life (learning how to answer the question of “how do we let go of one thing so another can begin?”) grew out of this same interest.

Q: What do you believe are some misconceptions people hold about the social work/mental health field or seeing a mental health professional?

A: Many people are unaware of the role social workers play in the mental health field.  Our training is holistic, and focuses on the person and their environment. Consequently, we are uniquely positioned to help those with mental health issues. There continues to be a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health and the use of mental health services.  

Q: How can we work to change those misconceptions?

A: I hope that one day seeing a mental health professional will be as common as going for a yearly check-up. Therapy isn’t reserved for the seriously mentally ill, or those who are not functional. Some studies suggest that nearly one in four adults will deal with a mental health issue in their lifetime. Most of my clients have careers, families, and friends, but have one or more challenges they are seeking help with. It’s like going to have your car serviced. Some things you can do yourself, others you need an expert’s help with.  

Q: How would you encourage someone who is unsure about reaching out for mental health help or therapy to reach out and contact someone?

A: If someone is unsure about reaching out for help, I would encourage them to ask others in their support system if they have ever faced similar challenges. I would also say to ask those closest to them if they have noticed any changes in recent weeks or months. Often those we love are hesitant to speak up but very supportive once the topic is broached.

Q: What does a typical therapy session with you entail?

A: When someone calls or emails me to set up an appointment, they receive a free 30-minute phone consultation to determine if I am the best fit for their needs. During the first appointment, approximately 10 minutes is spent on paperwork and the rest is spent hearing about the problem from the client’s perspective and identifying strengths already in place to meet the challenges. There are times when it becomes clear from the first phone call or appointment that I am not best suited to help someone. In those instances I work to find resources that will better address the client’s needs. After the first session, our time is spent learning and implementing new coping skills to deal with the challenges identified. I believe therapy is most effective when it is goal-directed and client-driven.  

Q: As someone who is continuously helping others care for their mental health, how do you care for your own mental health?

A: I maintain a strong support system of family and friends. I seek and use consultation and supervision when necessary. I take vacations and try to really unwind when I’m not at work. It can be a juggling act between my family and my career, but it is one I enjoy immensely.  

Q: What advice do you have for others who are interested in pursuing a career in the mental health field?

A: I love what I do, and I am passionate about social work. I would advise anyone considering a career in social work or mental health to learn as much as they can about their chosen field and how they might fit into it. I also encourage young social workers and professionals to spend time considering how their own experiences have shaped them and will inform their work with others.