Why I quit 7th grade- and why you should as well

So this is where my roles as professional social worker and Mommy intersect.  When I went into social work I thought I wanted to work with pre-teens and teens.  I have done so in a variety of settings for the past 20 years- and yet I was unprepared for the advent of puberty in my own household.   My oldest son is 12 years old and began Junior High this year.  He attends a "traditional" junior high with only 7th and 8th graders- in fact it is the largest such school in our state with almost 1200 kids.  Yes you read that correctly 1200 students...he is in advanced classes, active in church and Boy Scouts- and about to drive me absolutely crazy.  Hormones are full blown in my house right now, acne on the face, moody attitudes and general refusal to believe anything I say.  

He has a lot of homework, not an unmanagable amount but enough to keep him busy.  The first few weeks sailed by and I thought what was everyone complaining about? This is easy- then reality set in.  He would rather play video games, he would rather torment his brothers and shoot basketball than do homework.  After two stressful weeks of pleading, threatening and reminding I quit 7th grade.   I am not in 7th grade, I do not have projects due or vocabulary quizzes to study for.  And the more I worried about his work the more he refused to do it.  So I quit.  The new system is that any grade that falls below a certain level there will be consequences  (like missing an extra curricular activity) but otherwise I am out of the homework game.  If he needs supplies for a project, or help studying I am happy to help.  But stressing over whether or not he gets it done?  Not my job.  At some point he has to learn to manage his time, set goals and work toward them.  I'm not following him to high school or college with his homework planner.   I firmly believe that our children need realistic expectations and clear guidelines.

I am also trying to respect that he learns and studies differently than I or his brothers do.  Children give us all kinds of cues, direct and indirect about their needs.  If he needs to go to bed because he's tired, then get up and finish something early the next day? Fine.  If he works better in small bursts of time, set a timer for 15 minutes then take a break for 5.   School is hard work for most kids, 8 hours (more if they ride buses or do extracurricular activities) and often they need some down time at home before tackling their homework.  '

So for all you Moms and Dads stressing about 7th grade Science projects, take a deep breath and repeat with me " I quit 7th grade.  I believe my student is capable of managing their work with guidance from me."  Then have a cup of coffee and be prepared to make a late night run to Walgreens for glitter if needed- but remember the grade on the assignment does not equal a grade on parenting.

A Simplified Summer: Managing Your Child's Attention Disorder

image via http://dreamcometruecareeradvice.tumblr.com/

For many of us, summer is now in full swing. Summer means more time to spend as a family, less stress from schoolwork and lots of free time. However, for parents of children with attention disorders, summer can be stressful as they work to manage their children's behavior in such an unstructured time. To combat that stress, we've compiled a few simple tips to keep your summer running smoothly.

1. Keep a summer structure: Children with ADD/ADHD respond more positively when they have some kind of structure in their lives that helps keep them focused and attentive. Although you don’t have to plan out the entire day, try to allot time periods for specific activities. For instance, setting aside the hour or two after lunch to have nap or quiet time, eating meals around the same time, and setting a specific bedtime (see #3!). 

Tip: Look for a local day camp in your area that meets 2-3 times a week. These camps normally provide your child with numerous activities, social interaction with other children, and stay on a flexible schedule. This can also be especially helpful for working parents.

2. Keep it flexible: Not only can children get overwhelmed when they have too many things to do, but as a parent, worrying about scheduling every minute can create added stress for you. Don’t worry about small mishaps or schedule changes – focus on consistency. Additionally, let your children help you plan their days. Ask them what a few things they'd like to do during the summer are and encourage them to use their imagination to come up with new, fun activities for your family.

3. Set a bedtime: This goes right along with keeping a schedule. Research has shown that children with ADD/ADHD are more likely to have difficulties sleeping and getting a good night’s rest. Even though children don’t have to get up for school, try to enforce a reasonable bedtime and continue with a normal bedtime routine. 

Tip: 30 minutes before bedtime, spend time reading, listening to music, or discussing the day with your child.

4. Get outside: Studies have shown that children with ADD/ADHD show fewer symptoms when they spend time in nature. This so-called “green time” is great not only for children with attention disorders, but the whole family. Spending time at the park, the pool, or even in your own background is a great way to get your children playing, learning, and engaging in the great outdoors. 

Tip: Check out this compilation of fun outdoor activities your family can do together (via A Girl and a Glue Gun).

http://www.agirlandagluegun.com/2014/05/outdoor-games-to-play-in-summmmmer.html

5. Give everyone private time: Although time together is wonderful and necessary, parents and children both still need time to themselves. Make sure you carve out at least an hour or two each day for your child to spend time occupying themselves and time for you to decompress and relax. As a parent, taking care of your children and creating a stable, loving household begins with taking care of yourself. 

Have any tips you use during the summer with your children? We'd love to hear them!