Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Unspoken Grief

   When Hunter and I were married 18 years ago we had very specific ideas about how we would grow our family.  Wait 5 years so we could enjoy some time together, have one child, adopt another and there you go- family done.   What is the saying about God laughing while we make plans?  I think she/he just utters a "Bless their hearts"    Now nearly 20 years later I have a whole new thought about what it means to have a family, to start a family.   Twins gone before I had a chance to wrap my mind around there being two,  then Robert a fighter from the start.  Two more babies and a fallopian tube gone.  Then pills and shots and blood draws and ultrasounds brought me Ethan.  And then "Surprise" a brand new baby boy at 40.   Yeah, God def has a sense of humor.  
But  each and every experience taught me something different.  I learned how to grieve, I learned how to mourn, I learned how to honor the possible.  I learned FAITH and to lean on my people. 
 ( And I have so many people- thankful for all of them...too many to name.  How would I have done it without my tribe?)
    And I have so many sisters who have known that pain.  It takes my breath away really.  There are so many of us- I have had the privilege to meet some amazing women and men, Moms and Dads who keep the memory of their lost child close and soldier on to help others.  This isn't a journey I would choose or wish for anyone, but I feel so privileged to have been included on it.  
     There are so few ways to talk about the loss of an unborn child-  and we don't have community rituals to make it easier.  Most of us are just making it up as we go.  When we baptized Andrew we lit a candle for all the babies we didn't meet and all the parents who have known that pain.  My dear friend Olivia helped lead a memorial service to remember all those babies,  I have helped facilitate groups for others, I have lit candles and released balloons.  Last month I got a new tattoo,  I like the idea that these children who left my body  too soon are represented on my body in some way.  
 There are so many other ways people choose to honor and remember those lives- the point is that we need to acknowledge and grieve and step into the journey.   Grief is the only mechanism I know that brings healing in the face of loss.  I have seen this in my own life and in my work.  No matter what model you talk about, stages, or steps or tasks of grief it all comes down to one basic pri
niciple.  Change brings loss and we need to heal from that loss if we are to move on to the next place in our life.  
     Tomorrow is the day set aside to remember/honor Infant and Pregnancy Loss.  I'll light one candle for each of my babies.  There is a memorial service being held at the Montgomery Museum of Art.  If you said goodbye too soon to a child I encourage you to take a moment and reflect tomorrow.  For those of you have never known that loss- I bet you know someone who has.  Hold them a little closer in your thoughts and know that even an unspoken loss bring grief and needs healing.  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Q&A with Jennifer

This is our first post, so we want our readers to get better acquainted with the (wonder) woman behind this blog, Jennifer Venable-Humphrey. Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Private Independent Practice (PIP) owner of Social Work Solutions, LLC, located in Prattville, Ala. Jennifer has a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Alabama (1996) and has spent 18 years in the mental health industry - 12 of those in private practice. Jennifer’s focuses include grief and loss, helping families navigate transitions, and mood disorders and disregulation.  

Jennifer answered a few questions about herself and her work, and we hope this gives you insight into who Jennifer is and why she is so passionate about social work.


Q: Why did you choose to enter the social work/mental health field?
A: Social workers are the largest group of mental health providers in the country. I chose social work because its core values and ideals of self determination, emphasis on the importance of relationships, and promotion of social justice aligned with my own core values. I initially focused on working with children and families because of my desire to work with adolescents.

Q: The mental health field encompasses a wide variety of fields -- how and why did you choose your focus?
A: I became interested in issues surrounding grief and loss in my first internship where I worked with at-risk adolescents. Many had lost literally dozens of people in their lives -- parents, friends siblings. Grief and loss are among the most universal concepts we have; everyone has experienced a loss of some kind along their journey. The ways in which we deal with, or don’t deal with, those losses often have a far reaching impact on our lives. My work with families and adults in transitional stages of life (learning how to answer the question of “how do we let go of one thing so another can begin?”) grew out of this same interest.

Q: What do you believe are some misconceptions people hold about the social work/mental health field or seeing a mental health professional?
A: Many people are unaware of the role social workers play in the mental health field.  Our training is holistic, and focuses on the person and their environment. Consequently, we are uniquely positioned to help those with mental health issues. There continues to be a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health and the use of mental health services.  

Q: How can we work to change those misconceptions?
A: I hope that one day seeing a mental health professional will be as common as going for a yearly check-up. Therapy isn’t reserved for the seriously mentally ill, or those who are not functional. Some studies suggest that nearly one in four adults will deal with a mental health issue in their lifetime. Most of my clients have careers, families, and friends, but have one or more challenges they are seeking help with. It’s like going to have your car serviced. Some things you can do yourself, others you need an expert’s help with.  

Q: How would you encourage someone who is unsure about reaching out for mental health help or therapy to reach out and contact someone?
A: If someone is unsure about reaching out for help, I would encourage them to ask others in their support system if they have ever faced similar challenges. I would also say to ask those closest to them if they have noticed any changes in recent weeks or months. Often those we love are hesitant to speak up but very supportive once the topic is broached.

Q: What does a typical therapy session with you entail?
A: When someone calls or emails me to set up an appointment, they receive a free 30-minute phone consultation to determine if I am the best fit for their needs. During the first appointment, approximately 10 minutes is spent on paperwork and the rest is spent hearing about the problem from the client’s perspective and identifying strengths already in place to meet the challenges. There are times when it becomes clear from the first phone call or appointment that I am not best suited to help someone. In those instances I work to find resources that will better address the client’s needs. After the first session, our time is spent learning and implementing new coping skills to deal with the challenges identified. I believe therapy is most effective when it is goal-directed and client-driven.  

Q: As someone who is continuously helping others care for their mental health, how do you care for your own mental health?
A: I maintain a strong support system of family and friends. I seek and use consultation and supervision when necessary. I take vacations and try to really unwind when I’m not at work. It can be a juggling act between my family and my career, but it is one I enjoy immensely.  

Q: What advice do you have for others who are interested in pursuing a career in the mental health field?
A: I love what I do, and I am passionate about social work. I would advise anyone considering a career in social work or mental health to learn as much as they can about their chosen field and how they might fit into it. I also encourage young social workers and professionals to spend time considering how their own experiences have shaped them and will inform their work with others.