So this is where my roles as professional social worker and Mommy intersect. When I went into social work I thought I wanted to work with pre-teens and teens. I have done so in a variety of settings for the past 20 years- and yet I was unprepared for the advent of puberty in my own household. My oldest son is 12 years old and began Junior High this year. He attends a "traditional" junior high with only 7th and 8th graders- in fact it is the largest such school in our state with almost 1200 kids. Yes you read that correctly 1200 students...he is in advanced classes, active in church and Boy Scouts- and about to drive me absolutely crazy. Hormones are full blown in my house right now, acne on the face, moody attitudes and general refusal to believe anything I say.
He has a lot of homework, not an unmanagable amount but enough to keep him busy. The first few weeks sailed by and I thought what was everyone complaining about? This is easy- then reality set in. He would rather play video games, he would rather torment his brothers and shoot basketball than do homework. After two stressful weeks of pleading, threatening and reminding I quit 7th grade. I am not in 7th grade, I do not have projects due or vocabulary quizzes to study for. And the more I worried about his work the more he refused to do it. So I quit. The new system is that any grade that falls below a certain level there will be consequences (like missing an extra curricular activity) but otherwise I am out of the homework game. If he needs supplies for a project, or help studying I am happy to help. But stressing over whether or not he gets it done? Not my job. At some point he has to learn to manage his time, set goals and work toward them. I'm not following him to high school or college with his homework planner. I firmly believe that our children need realistic expectations and clear guidelines.
I am also trying to respect that he learns and studies differently than I or his brothers do. Children give us all kinds of cues, direct and indirect about their needs. If he needs to go to bed because he's tired, then get up and finish something early the next day? Fine. If he works better in small bursts of time, set a timer for 15 minutes then take a break for 5. School is hard work for most kids, 8 hours (more if they ride buses or do extracurricular activities) and often they need some down time at home before tackling their homework. '
So for all you Moms and Dads stressing about 7th grade Science projects, take a deep breath and repeat with me " I quit 7th grade. I believe my student is capable of managing their work with guidance from me." Then have a cup of coffee and be prepared to make a late night run to Walgreens for glitter if needed- but remember the grade on the assignment does not equal a grade on parenting.
