A Simplified Summer: The Work/Life Balance

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In today’s society, everyone is doing more. More homes are two-working-parent families; people in general are working more hours; children are encouraged to be involved in more activities and organizations; everyone is encouraged to help out at this volunteer activity or that church supper. So how do we find balance when everyone is going zero to one hundred all day, every day? Especially with school beginning soon, how do you find a good routine for your family that leaves everyone happy and healthy? Check out our tips for staying sane, balanced, and - most importantly - happy as a working parent. 

1. Come together at least once a week. Carve out a specific time during the week that your family intentionally spends time together. Turn off the TV, cell phones, emails and other electronics and spend at least an hour doing something together. This could be dinner every Friday, pancakes every Sunday morning, or even a game night in the middle of the week. Whatever it is, make it a point to have and respect this time your family spends together.

2. Reduce. Take away extra things in your routine that stress you out, or delegate tasks to others. For instance, if you are constantly stressing mid-week about extra events that have come up, start taking a few minutes on Saturday or Sunday to make a calendar for the next week. If you’re self-employed and know you work better late at night after your kids are asleep, look at restructuring your work schedule to better fit your needs.

Tip: For chores and to-do’s around the house, get your kids involved. Not just normal chores, but things that require skill and can be fun learning experiences. Have older children help plan out, make dinner and set the table. Everyone will be wondering how you manage to work, play AND teach etiquette skills!

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3. Prioritize. You may be scoffing, thinking “I am the queen/king of prioritizing, this is always rule #1!” But hear me out – you don’t need to only be prioritizing YOUR time; you need to be teaching your children to prioritize their time as well. With so many opportunities for children to get involved, it can be easy to feel pressure to take on too much. And as a parent, it can be stressful trying to prioritize your work when you have three different places to drive your kids to on any given afternoon. Sit down and decide what is most important, then go from there.

Tip: For kids, start small. Have them choose one sport or extracurricular activity and see how scheduling goes. If they can take on more, great. If they can't, it is much easier to reevaluate when you've got one activity as opposed to three or four.

4. Say goodbye to guilt. Although working parents are becoming (and have been) the norm, it can still be easy for parents, especially working mothers, to fall into the trap of feeling guilty about their dual roles. Here’s the secret – nothing is ever going to be perfect, no matter if you work 40, 20, or 0 hours outside your home. Embrace things that are going well and stay optimistic about the things that didn’t go exactly according to plan. 

Tip: Feeling guilty that you don’t spend enough time with your children? In a study done in 2007, most children didn’t wish for their parents to spend more time with them – in fact, they were happy with the amount of time their parents spent with them. Instead, they said they wished their parents were less stressed or tired. See above for our tips on that!

Do you have any tips for how you juggle the work-life balance? Let us hear them in the comments!

Purposeful Parenting: Tips for Everyday

Last week we answered some of your questions about purposeful parenting in specific situations. But what about generally - how can you purposefully parent in day-to-day life? Check out our infographic that gives you tips for using purposeful parenting to create an atmosphere of love and respect in your home through simple, fundamental actions.

Purposeful Parenting: Ask Away

 

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July is Purposeful Parenting Month, so we've spent the past two weeks taking your questions about parenting.

We are by no means experts, and sometimes with all the material available - books, manuals, television shows, blogs, speeches - it can be overwhelming to weed through everyone's suggestions and figure out what the best approach to parenting is. But then again, is there a best approach? Probably not. As Jennifer says, "Parenting is the ultimate on-the-job learning." So here we are, to talk about another path - purposeful parenting.

What is purposeful parenting? Jennifer said - "I think purposeful parenting is parenting with a plan. Not that things go according to plan with kids. Everyone is an expert on parenting until they have children; so many of the things I thought I'd never do or always do as a parent turned out to be a fantasy. But, having a goal and plan in mind when it comes to raising kids means you are not reacting to every situation but that you are moving toward a goal. When things don't go according to plan, you can work through it because you have bigger goals in mind. So mistakes on the part of parent or child become teachable moments for both. For example, a major goal my husband and I share in parenting our boys is to cultivate in them a sense of gratitude. Parenting decisions follow that goal; if you are whiny or don't appreciate something it won't be given a second time but rather earned." 

Now, here are a few of the questions you've asked.

Q: My 3 1/2 year old refuses to sleep in their own bed.  My daughter started sleeping with us at around 18 months when she had a virus and no one was getting much sleep anyway. But since that time she has grown more and more dependent on sleeping in the bed with my husband and I. We have tried to put her in her own bed but she cries, says she is scared, and comes back to our bed.  

Jenn: It is normal for children to go through periods where they are more or less attached. However, it is important that your daughter learns to soothe herself and sleep independently. There are a couple of strategies I would suggest. First, help your daughter feel secure in her room during the day and when it is not bedtime. If she naps encourage her to do so in her own bed. At night establish a bed time routine in her room. Brush teeth, read a story, tuck her in, and say good night. If you feel comfortable, you may stay for a short time after the lights are out. However, it is important that she stays in her own bed. When you allow her to leave and come to your room, you are reinforcing the idea that there is something to be fearful of in her own room. If she cries out for you or is frightened you can go and comfort her, but return her to her own bed. The first couple of nights will be tough but it won't be long before she is sleeping confidently in her own room.  

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Q: My 12 year old wants their own Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts.  I recognize that many of their friends have these things but don't feel it is appropriate for someone his age. Should I give in and allow my son to set up a profile? 

Jenn: Technology and social media are not going anywhere. As parents, it is our job to help teach our children to be good "digital citizens." If your family has established an age limit for social media, stick to it and explain the reasons behind it. If you don't already have a plan or a age limit, now is the time to think about it. However, you may want to consider allowing your 12 year old to look at your accounts to see how they work. If his friends have accounts, friend or follow his friends. Then together check it out to see what is being posted.  It is important that as a parent you set the boundaries and guide the conversation around the use of technology. There is no magical "right" age for devices or social media accounts. By opening the conversation and setting the ground rules early on you can be proactive rather than reactive.

  

Q: My 5-year-old daughter has a sensitive soul and has recently had questions about death and how long is life. She was visibly upset for several hours when I explained that all living things die. How can I continue this discussion on an age-appropriate level in a way that (hopefully) won't cause her to needlessly dwell on the issue?

Jenn: Death is a part of life but a hard thing for children to understand. At five or six, children are leaving behind concrete thinking and moving toward greater capacity for abstract thought. So, when your daughter hears that every living thing will one day die she is able to understand that means you, her Dad, and her. Although she has the ability to understand the concept, she isn't able to grapple with it emotionally yet. Reassure that death is not imminent and, although permanent, is a part of life. At this age using books and metaphors to explain and reassure can be very helfpful. I love "The Fall of Freddy the Leaf" by Leo Buscaglia. Books such as this discuss death in a gentle and reassuring way that your daughter can grasp.  

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We'd love to hear more of your questions and how you purposefully parent. Let us know your thoughts in the comments!